My annual studio recital was yesterday, and my students all performed to make me proud. It was short and sweet, and while I didn’t feel at the top of my game, I think that it went well, and students and families enjoyed hearing everyone. Some parents emailed and posted recital photos and video on Facebook, which was nice.
(and this has nothing to do with my students)
Holy cow. I was so unhappy with the way I looked in said photos.
Yes, the camera angles were anything but optimum (looking down at the camera is not advised.) No, I wasn’t wearing my most flattering outfit. And, as I mentioned before, I wasn’t feeling my personal best.
But all the camera positioning, flowy tops and tiny mood issues in the world could not have been responsible for what I saw.
I’ve been feeling pretty unhappy about my appearance for some time now. Some of it is due to age, of course, but most of it is simply because I weigh too much. And did it ever hit home yesterday in the photos of what should have been proud, happy moments for all involved.
So, I did what anyone would do in the situation, really. I came home, put on pajamas and kind of drooped around for the rest of the day. I won’t mention the Oreos, grilled cheese, tomato soup or chips and dip I ate, in that order. I will mention that I passed on Earl’s famous blueberry milkshake, however. Go, me.
I watched not one but two episodes of the X-Files, but even the David Duchovny eye candy of old couldn’t move me out of what, I feared, may have been the beginning of a bigger funk. It wasn’t just the photos, of course; I’ve been feeling like I’ve been teetering on the edge of a depression for a little while. Maybe a few photos were going to kick me over the edge.
I resolved, as I went to bed, that I was going to get up early and exercise. I was going to slash my carbs and get myself into shape. No matter what.
Thus bolstered, I slept. And then, when the alarm went off, I hit snooze, as is my habit. Earl said, “Why don’t you shut the alarm off? You don’t really need to get up early today.” So I did.
And then, I remembered.
And I hauled myself out of bed, put on some exercise clothes, and went downstairs, where I did a short on-demand workout. It wasn’t much, but I remember twenty years ago, when I first got myself into shape, I started by riding an exercise bike for six minutes. Six minutes! So I decided I wasn’t going to tell myself it wasn’t good enough to do a short workout today.
It’s almost absurd how proud I was of myself this morning after that short workout. One has to start somewhere, I guess.